parts

some point this week i was just staring at my comp screen which was displaying my pw report, and just felt like giving up. feels so tiring doing all these stuff and to be honest, i'm starting to feel rather pressured for pw and promos. so many things to do in so little time. dont even know if i can finish revising for phy, chem and econs even if i completely dao math.

this period i just have being doing a lot of academic stuff. mainly wr and mugging for promos. since abt last week, i think. feels like God seems so far away from me while i'm doing all these stuff, like my life is so filled with studies that God doesnt seem to be able to fit in somehow. guess that's been affecting my mood a bit also. my leaders tell me this is because i have been compartmentalizing my life and only let God into certain things, such that when i do work i dont really involve God and try to draw near to Him. initially i wasnt too sure whether i agreed, but now after thinking about it and looking back i think what they say is right. i just tend to want to do my own things at certain times and just forget about everything else, just drowning myself in my work. somehow it feels more comforting that way.

guess God has to bring me through such a period now, cos i really get to see how my true attitude towards Him is lacking and how much i have indeed been saved and restored by grace, not by my works and what i have done. it can be quite a rude awakening, and although it may seem that God shouldnt 'touch' me while i'm in this period of preparing of promos, i think God does have His plan, and i want to trust Him that if He gives, its good for me and if He takes away, its not good for me.

feel that God is also removing my trust in man, but teaching me how to be more desperate for Him and seek Him instead of just turning to humans for help with my problems, especially those emotional ones. even though i know that it is a very tough struggle and it can get really painful at times, i thank Him for what He's doing.

God, help me.