hurts

to be honest, i must say that i'm feeling the pain now. now as in in this very moment as i'm typing this post. as terence told me last night, i must stop trying to run away from all those things that cause me pain, from those feelings that God wants to heal but i just refuse to allow Him for fear of feeling the hurts, the lostness, the hopelessness again. at this very point i'm struggling. maybe i'm about to feel the pain very soon. those feelings of abandonment, that no one cares for me, that no one loves me, that everyone cannot stand me. i've been running away from these feelings for so long, even to the point of denying my own feelings. and now i'm confused. how much of it do i have to face? does it mean that i have to purposely invoke these feelings again?

how ironic that the person who God is using to bring out these feelings in me is so closely related to the person whom caused me to have those same feelings in primary school. is He showing me something through this? or is it that they r just similar in character, so i react to both of them the same way?

today i read isaiah 6 for my devotion. talks about a people whose hearts are so calloused that they hear but nothing goes in. God, i do not want to be like those people.

well, i must say that i'm not at the happiest of moods now, but i know that i should still continue to say:
praise the Lord