spiritual warfare

what has happened today is so real. really showed me the reality of spiritual warfare. its a war. and the devil's fighting back. think those few seconds was the moment in my life so far that i was the most shocked. maybe God is trying to teach me something, but i do not know very surely what He is doing. all i know is that this incident will either make or break me. i will either be so determined after what has happened today that i dedicate myself to fighting this fight of faith, or i will become so fearful and retreat into my fear. i feel really protected, at least, thank God for placing these people around me who prayed for me when they knew what happened. dwelling in spiritual stuff and all that is good, but i guess its when God really brings things into the natural realm that i really get to strengthen my faith and see that my prayers and all that is not going into the air.

if you do not know what i'm talking about, and wish to know more, come and ask me personally.

God, protect my mind and soul. I really need Your protection upon me now.

home

pastor shared quite a meaningful story last sunday, just thought abt it today, so decided to post it up, to the best of my memory. heehee.

there was this old missionary couple who had spent many long years in africa serving God and preaching the gospel to those who did not know Jesus. now, they were on this ship bound back to america, where they would retire after their years of ministry. it just so happened that president roosevelt was also on this ship, returning from a hunting trip. everyone on the ship was so eager to catch a glimpse of the president on board, but no one remembered the old missionary couple who were on this ship

when the ship finally arrived in america, there was a huge crowd waiting there to welcome the president back from his hunting trip. many people were holding up banners and cheering as the president's ship came in. amidst all the hype and celebrations, the old couple passed through the crowd unnoticed and uncared for, there was not even a representative from the local church to welcome them back after their years of ministry.

that night, the couple were staying in a small apartment that they managed to purchase at the borders of the town, the place where they will live after returning from africa. as they were sitting down and resting, the missionary told his wife, "look, we have just come back from africa after so many years of service and we get no welcome, and are putting up in this tiny apartment that we can barely afford. but the president returns from a mere hunting trip, and look at what he gets! this isn't fair. i am feeling so angry with God."

his wife put her hand on his shoulder, and told him, "why don't you go inside the room and tell that to God?" the missionary replied, "that is what i'm going to do" and entered the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

after fifteen minutes, he came out of the room. his wife looked up, and asked him, "so how was it?"

"i told God about how i felt and how angry i was with him for not recognizing what we have done for his name, how we have received such a pathetic welcome even though we have come home after serving in the field so many years."

"and?"

"well," her husband replied, "God put his hand on my shoulder and told me, 'my son, you are not home yet.' "

prayer from a broken spirit

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

-Psalm 51: 16-17

Lord, i want to have the faith to believe that You will do what i really need You to do in my life. i want to believe that You are so ready to do something in my life through this whole series of events and make me a changed person at the end of all these, that at the end when You are done i will be able to look back and give You praise for what You have indeed done. even though now what i am going through seems to be pointless, i seem to be suffering from all those hurts and pains for no apparent reason, even though i seem to be going around in circles, not solving anything and sometimes even seem to be going backwards, but i believe that through all this You are doing something wonderful and lasting that i cannot see for myself now. my strength is failing me, and i find it so hard to sustain myself on a daily basis. maybe this is when You come in and help me to see the power of Your strength.

God, i trust in You.

Amen.

We Seek Your Face

Not power or glory
Not ministry or fame
Not ableness or eloquence
Not titles or name
Not fire or miracles
Not thunder or rain
We seek Your face
We seek Your face
We seek Your face

Not crowns or kingdoms
Not houses or lands
Not passion or pleasure
Not blessings from Your hand
Not earthly inheritance
Or richest reward
We seek Your face
We seek Your face
We seek Your face

All that we are and ever hope to be
We lay it at Your feet in worship
Poured out to You
As a living sacrifice in worship
In worship to You
To You

hurts

to be honest, i must say that i'm feeling the pain now. now as in in this very moment as i'm typing this post. as terence told me last night, i must stop trying to run away from all those things that cause me pain, from those feelings that God wants to heal but i just refuse to allow Him for fear of feeling the hurts, the lostness, the hopelessness again. at this very point i'm struggling. maybe i'm about to feel the pain very soon. those feelings of abandonment, that no one cares for me, that no one loves me, that everyone cannot stand me. i've been running away from these feelings for so long, even to the point of denying my own feelings. and now i'm confused. how much of it do i have to face? does it mean that i have to purposely invoke these feelings again?

how ironic that the person who God is using to bring out these feelings in me is so closely related to the person whom caused me to have those same feelings in primary school. is He showing me something through this? or is it that they r just similar in character, so i react to both of them the same way?

today i read isaiah 6 for my devotion. talks about a people whose hearts are so calloused that they hear but nothing goes in. God, i do not want to be like those people.

well, i must say that i'm not at the happiest of moods now, but i know that i should still continue to say:
praise the Lord