cca confusion

just went for volleyball and floorball try outs today. didnt really do so well for both of them. yup. a bit disappointed, cos i really hoped that i can get into a sports cca, and those two r like my best chances, or at least thats what i think. and i dun wanna join canoeing, even though shenghao tells me that i shld be able to get in if i tried. committment is just too crazy.

actually i can go for a second round of floorball trials for next week, but not very sure if that's the direction that i shld head. perhaps God made me fail this time cos He knows that i wont make it in anyway, cos there will still be a few more rounds of selection to really choose the elict. now not really sure where i shld go lah. time is running out, and i feel quite lost regarding this issue of cca.

maybe God is teaching me to be patient and learn to wait upon Him for the answers to my problems. just feel that recently i have been getting rather independent also and sometimes i just have so much confidence in the flesh and in what i can do, forgetting to consult God in the process. whatever the case, i just really hope that God will answer my prayers and show me the path to choose.

time to learn to listen to His voice...

holding on...

today cell group we had a great time. invited some ppl to come join us and just really felt that God was amongst us and moving so powerfully, speaking to each of us. although didnt really feel like i've received much, but its alright. yup. two ppl accepted Christ today. really glad for them, and think God is really doing a great work in our cell group and helping each and every one of us in the group to grow in this new year. just feel so excited abt what else God is gg to do in this new year.

prayer meeting i had quite a bit of problems. mum didnt want me to go, but i still went ahead and went. to be honest, just felt so fearful and afraid but i know that God is really with me and helping me to overcome. just felt God's comfort on me during pm itself. mum called me halfway and screamed at me and told me to go home. really unsure of how to take the next step. but i guess God has a plan...

zoulong is leaving tmr already. feel a bit sad, but i guess what has to happen has to happen

To A Brother

Friends
Michael W. Smith

Packing up the dreams God planted,
In the fertile soil of you.
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through.

But we'll keep you close as always,
It won't even seem you've gone.
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways,
Will keep the love that keeps us strong.

Chorus:
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them.
And a friend will not say never,
'Cause the welcome will not end.
Though it's hard to let you go,
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the faith we know,
We will pray the joy you live in
Is the strength that now you show.

But we'll keep you close as always,
It won't even seem you've gone.
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways,
Will keep the love that keeps us strong.

Chorus:
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them.
And a friend will not say never,
'Cause the welcome will not end.
Though it's hard to let you go,
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them.
And a friend will not say never,
'Cause the welcome will not end.
Though it's hard to let you go,
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

ya. this post is to a fren whom i have known for quite a long time, since sec1 but only been really close to him for less than one year. yup. though its very sudden and shocking, but i guess God has His plans and at least neither of us has any regrets or anything. ya. not very good with words, so wont say a lot....

God bless you.

In Jesus' name, I claim the victory.

thank You

wow. yesterday was really such a great day. really want to share abt it, and so excited at what God has been doing in my life.

started the day off with devotion. :) i have decided to do my devotion in the mornings b4 i go to sch and cover myself with God's Word, even though that means i will have to wake up at 6 each morning. did 2 Timothy 2. speaking on how soldiers shldnt involve themselves with civilian matters etc. felt that really spoke to me on what i planned to do for the day.

late morning i had a break of 2 hrs and i spent half an hr of it with God, just singing praise to Him and asking abt certain things. starting off my goal on spending some of break times with God. really a great time with Him and felt His assurance upon me, giving me direction on the issue that i was asking Him about and strength for the rest of the day, refreshing me with His Spirit. really a great diff from the past week in school when i felt so dry, tired and vulnerable. one song that really spoke to me during this time:

When troubles come
I trust in You
For I know You will lead me through
And I know You are faithful
Till the end

And when the storms
Are drawing near
When I'm with You
I don't have to fear
You're my shepherd on whom
I can depend

Through the day
Through the night
I know You're always by my side

Lord, You are always here with me
There is no changing, God, in Thee
You are the same yesterday
And today and forevermore
Here on Your promises I'll stand
You hold my future in Your hands
My solid Rock, Almighty God
I worship You

yup, and in the afternoon i was speaking to my mom abt gg for prayer meeting. explained to her y i wanted to go and also listened to some of her concerns abt studies, family and committments. think there was really some breakthrough and now she agrees to let me go every alt week. ya... really thank God for it. then i talked to terence, who told me some stuff. prayer meeting was great. really glad that i made the stand to go.

yup. thus ends a great day! think i really see God starting to move and do great things in my life, helping me to change my habits changed and my goals accomplished! now my goals seem like very accomplishable. after posting my post on wed night, when i felt that i could not see how God's promises to me fit into my current life, with so many problems and so many different things going on, i realised sth: the very fact that i am facing all these show that my prayers are being answered.

praise God

through it all

this period has really been a funny period for me. just feel generally down and unexcited abt anything, and also feel queasy at times, like no appetite and just feel... strange. yeah. dunno y also. perhaps it is the new surroundings and having to adapt to it. all the new ppl and new ways of doing things etc. just feel rather weak and vulnerable at this point, but at the same time i want to fight on, but how? for some reason i just cant find God's direction for me, and just feel so torn apart when it comes to certain things and issues. really not sure how to move on from here.

talked to joash over the phone just now. just told him all that i am going thru and all that i feel. he told me quite a bit of stuff abt how to cope with all these. one major conviction that i felt was in my Word life. somehow its not been very good, and i am using excuses like no time to get thru. but i think today really made me understand what it means when some people tell me they feel so naked leaving their house without having done devotion... perhaps thats y im feeling so strange recently. must do sth abt it...

a lot of things happening this period, but praise God for even the tough times. it has been a lot of lessons to learn from Him...

Open up my spiritual eyes, Lord

l'ochnessmonster

orientation has been quite fun. made quite a few frens, have quite a gd OG, did a lot of fun stuff (NOT dancing) but somehow just feel a bit strangely lost. like just the constant need to have attention just returned to me and whenever i dont have attention from others i will feel strange and all that. just feel that this is an indicator that i dont feel secure enough in God. hmm

God, help me to drink from You, such that I will never become thirsty again (John 4:14)

and i also feel that i have been under spiritual attack. or maybe i am exaggerating. maybe its just a problem taht i have not really dealt with and is returning. whatever the case, i would need to set it right. sometimes just feel so tired having to return back and resolve it every time, but i guess God has His good reasons why these must always happen to me. maybe cos i really need to learn

Lord, let me not forget my first love for You, and let not other things distract me from this love and cause me to lose my focus. Help me to deny my flesh, and be able to fulfill whatever that You have placed in my heart to accomplish.

time to move forward

goals for 2007

whee. its a new year, and here are the goals that i have set:

Word
To be more consistent in my Word life. (i admit i havent been very consistent at times)

• Spend at least 20 mins a day on Word
• Learn to use free time constructively (esp since JC got pockets of free time here and there)

Prayer

• Learn to spend more quiet time with God, and get to know Him in a deeper and more personal way, to learn to enjoy being in His presence
• Pray and intercede for cell members/REX/ RI&RJ on a regular basis

Giving

Time: Stop wasting time idling around and sitting in front of the comp, and in useless activites, but channel more time to Word, Prayer and ministry

Ministry: Consistently meet with disciplees weekly, and spend time every week calling them and talking to them

$: Give tithes, missions AND building fund

Talent: Spend time practising guitar (if possible) and perhaps start to play for cell (when there's another WL, maybe xD)

Relationships

• Get to know leaders better, esp Joash
• Learn to edify friends through conversations rather than idle chatter

Studies

• Do well in studies (pass my common tests?)
• Don't hand in late hw, stop copying hw from others

Yup. Left out two of the areas on purpose.

And here are the things that i resolved to forget during today's thxgiving service:

1) disappointment with someone over some stuff that happened this yr that impacted me quite badly
2) difficulty in helping disciplees at certain times til i feel like giving up
3) low times during REX when attendance for cell grp was 3 or 4
4) that sin, now that i have been freed from it (i think only 2 ppl will know what this is abt, and they dont read this blog. haha)
5) youth camp, the peaks that i reached in this camp
6) high times in REX when every week there's a new person coming

message today was also very great. abt spiritual defects. felt for me i have a broken foot, being very impulsive and not really very good at being silent and still b4 the Lord, and also imbalance in my spiritual life. today just felt that i have been concentrating a lot on serving and helping others, giving but not spending consistent time with God recently (yeah, i confess). so now w/o me realising i actually feel quite distant from God. must do sth abt it. and soon.

anyway i'm gg to change my blog address soon. very soon. liekly tmr, cos tonight my brain is quite dead.